My Journey of Surprises!!
My motherhood journey also starts with doing a pregnancy test and knowing that I am carrying a little one inside me when I was not at all prepared. It was a Surprise and more over a shock for me. I couldn't explain what I actually felt at that time. And then came the next bigger surprise that I was expecting twins!!!!
It was a big surprise for our entire family as it was the first twin pregnancy in both of our families. Initial months of pregnancy journey was really tough. Morning sickness, extreme vomiting, weight loss, mood swings etc... Being a working women I would say I just survived my first trimester.
A mother is born before giving birth
Yes, a mother is born before giving birth to her baby. She started to feel that bond growing stronger even before giving birth. Slowly slowly I felt that too.. I was ok with all the difficulties of pregnancy, all that matters was my babies. And the bond grew stronger when I hear their heart beat during the ultrasound and it grew much stronger when they started to respond with their tiny kicks... And those responses was enough to overcome all the hardships of carrying two little ones in my womb
They are born and my life changed forever
I gave birth to my boys at 33rd week of my pregnancy and from that day my life changed forever...
I couldn't spent that first precious moments with them as I had preterm labor and due to breathing issue they got shifted to NICU. I saw them for a moment and it took days to hold them for the first time. We received our first baby 3 days after delivery and second one after 5 days. Those days was hard as I felt that emptiness in my womb and I was so eager to hold them in my hand.
And then started my postpartum journey.
Postpartum - It was all about survival
I had no idea what was in store for me after giving birth to them. I would say Postpartum period was the darkest period in my life. I had no idea what was happening to me after delivery. My thoughts were all weird, I just felt like crying all the time. I started to feel lonely even I had many people to support me. I was not ready to express or explain myself. I was irritated and I felt very much distant from my partner too even if he supported me in all possible ways. All my dreams about motherhood started to fade and I started to feel hopeless. Like every woman I wanted to be the perfect mother for my babies but I started to feel like I am failing in that role. I was not ready to accept much help(The biggest mistake) and I kept myself silent because I was not really aware of what was in my head and I was afraid that even my dearest ones wouldn't be able to understand me.
Sleep deprivation hit me hard and all I wished was getting a few hours of sleep(But trust me you will get used to it and you can overcome that with proper sleep scheduling). Breast feeding was initially a big challenge(But I was able to exclusively breast feed my babies for the first 6 months). Feeding two at a time made me physically weak and I was mentally and emotionally weak too. I felt distant from my babies and that made me worse. Every day was just a survival.. And I lost myself somewhere and I was hopeless to find me again..
But yes, we survived..... Mentally, physically and emotionally I was weak, but I would say there is a hidden strength in every mother. I believe that we will eventually find it and I have decided to find mine.
Journey to find myself again...
The most important lesson which I learned during my postpartum journey was “Its okay to be not okay, and you don't need to be a perfect Mother”. Love them and that's what all they need from you and that's what you need for them too.. It took me a while to learn this and that lesson is helping me a lot in this new journey.
Motherhood has grown me in ways I never imagined. They become my world and I become their. I started to love that “Twin Mommy” title and its the best title I have ever got in my life. Even tough every day is an adventure, now I am super okay with that..
And my motherhood journey continues.....
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